I am writing this letter to inform you about how hard I try not to think out loud, but it’s not working, although I am not giving up, I will work on myself more, but didn’t you show me that loving myself and being my own self friend, to the extreme, is better than getting hurt? If I move along with the journey of working hard on myself and not to speak my thoughts out loud, not in front of my family, not in front of anyone, would you promise me that, every single person who is envious of my blessings written by God, would end up living in the sole of my shoes? Will you promise me that they would end up with husbands/wives who would record conversations and secrets when they open up blindly and kindly? Will you promise to make them feel the same pain I went through, and they start thinking out loud like they are their own best friends to the extreme? I want to concentrate my thoughts on the blissful person with the beautiful light brown eyes, the guy I saw in a beautiful visionary, in the month of Fasting season in 2025, and of my plans I have for him. I only hope he would accept giving up his former life and he would erase every past page, because he deserves to be the personality I would want to build for him, and not anyone who wants to be in control over our lives. I bet he is going to look amazing with the lime green eyes over his beautiful light brown or dark brown eyes, I bet even the British accent mixed with Spanish is going to look alluring on him. I only hope he lets go and accept new blessings, new beginnings, and accept that the name which comes from Saint Michel, is not for him anymore, when it comes to his life with me, it’s for those who look at me as their sister, and by time, people will forget about the existence of the past, when new beginnings rise. The more I concentrate on him, and make sure he is going to show me that he is not a failure, instead of giving up on me, and watch from a distance, like the ones before him, the more speaking my thoughts out loud will vanish slowly and steadily.
~Sahar I.
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