Boundaries Setting them, maintaining them, and how to be accountable when they are broken
Boundaries define your limits of acceptable behavior and the space you need to feel comfortable and safe They can change over time, and may depend on: who we’re interacting with the environment we’re in and/or how we feel on that particular day Boundaries are about you and how you interact with the world, not controlling how other people interact with you Boundaries are not just between you and others (interpersonal), but are also set within yourself (intrapersonal), such as your personal values and beliefs
spectrum, from loose to rigid loose/breakable Boundaries that are easy to break; has a hard time saying “no” even when they want to Ex: overshares, fears rejection, feels responsible for others’ happiness Healthy/balanced Boundaries that are firm but may be flexible as needed; can say “no” but is also open to new experiences Ex: values own opinions, can communicate wants and needs, doesn’t compromise values rigid/inflexible Boundaries that keep others at a distance; may say “no” but at the cost of new connections and experiences Ex: doesn’t ask for help, avoids close relationships, protective of information
level of loose or rigid. Our values inform which boundaries we are more (or less) flexible with. there are also different types of boundaries sexual: how you express your sexuality and with whom intellectual: how you express and explore thoughts/ideas time: how you spend and structure your time physical: personal space and physical touch emotional: how you share and protect your feelings material: how you use your money and possessions Before setting boundaries, you need to be able to identify your own, from emotional to material ones!
boundaries? Hint: you likely already know them! Start with identifying your core values and thinking about what you expect in your relationships Think about: What’s important for you to feel in relationships? Where have you previously said yes to something you didn’t want to? How did it make you feel? Who are people you feel safe around? What about your interactions makes them feel safe? Boundaries can and do differ depending on the boundary type, environment, situation, and relationship. A ‘work’ boundary is likely different than a ‘friend’ boundary, ‘sibling’ boundary, or ‘partner’ boundary
boundaries “Talking about food is hard for me. I will leave the room if talks around nutrition and calories are happening around me” “I need an hour or two after work/school to decompress and be alone before “I appreciate spending time together” constructive criticism, but it needs to be brought up to me directly” “I feel most respected when there is a knock on my door before entering” “During sex, I like being submissive, but not degraded” “Next time, can I get a heads-up before hugging me? I was startled“
Acknowledge communicate when boundaries boundaries are respected, not just when they aren’t Know what you aren’t okay with but not sure what you are okay with? Brainstorm ideas together. Use “I” statements. Center your emotions without assigning blame. Make it an ongoing conversation! Discuss boundaries in daily life Use check-in systems. Set a regular day or time to talk about how boundaries are being respected* *Works best for long-term romantic relationships, friendships, etc
are violated or broken? Communicate that it was broken express how it made you feel and why restate your boundary for the future evaluate if the boundary broken is forgivable and unintentional. if it is neither, consider the importance of this relationship in your life What to do if I accidentally broke someone else’s boundaries? Take accountability! acknowledge that you broke a boundary without getting defensive take responsibility for any consequences work to not break it again in the future Sources queersexedcc.com/post/boundaries-101 therapistaid.com/worksheets/boundaries-psychoeducation-printout panahicounseling.com/blogs/healthy-boundaries/ amandajpbrown.com/blog/2024/7/8/how-to-figure-out-what-yourboundaries-are
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